I am a twenty-nine-year-old graduate and a financial analyst who works in the banking industry. I have been dating this single mum for the past ten months. She is twenty-six years old, and her daughter is seven. When we first met she told me, “I got pregnant when I was in SHS2 so I had to drop out of school. After the baby, I didn’t pursue my education. I rather decided to learn a trade so I could acquire some skills for my future. That is why today, I am a seamstress.” And to be honest, she is a very good seamstress. When I look at her works, my heart swells with pride. Currently, she has two apprentices studying under her.
Another thing she told me is, “I don’t pay attention to men anymore. That is because they approach me with a lot of enthusiasm. Then they find out that I have a child and all their eagerness disappears, and they quickly back away from me.” She went on to say that even the father of her child is not in their lives. He has never seen the little girl since she was born, and he doesn’t contribute anything to the child’s upkeep. She assured me that she didn’t have any man in her life. Apart from being a talented woman, she is also very beautiful. So, I easily fell in love with her.
When I expressed my feelings for her she did not reject me. In fact, she was pleased with my confession. She said, “I am also in love with you, but if you know you are not serious about your feelings, don’t come and waste my time.” I assured her that I was serious, and we started dating. Not to blow my own trumpet, but I treat this woman like a queen. We live in different regions but I visit her frequently. And whenever we are together, I want her to rest and feel pampered. So I cook our meals and wash the dishes. At night too I bathe her. This is because she behaves like a toddler sometimes. As in, if I don’t bathe her she wouldn’t take her bath before going to bed. I don’t mind doing all these things for her. The truth is, I actually enjoy doing them because it makes her happy. And I thought that meant I was enough for her, but apparently not.
Two months into the relationship she told me she was going to visit her mother. After she returned I visited her. We were together while I casually browsed through her phone. I wasn’t looking for anything, I was just watching her photos. Then I came upon some pictures she took with a military man. She had visited him, cooked for him, and sat on his lap. Whatever they did beyond that was not captured in the photos. I looked at the details of the photos and realized that they aligned with the day she was supposedly visiting her mother. The minute I saw it, I asked her, “You are cheating on me with this military guy?”
Her immediate response was anger. “Because you’ve seen me in photos with a man so you are accusing me of cheating. Can’t you even see that they are old photos?” I tried to show her proof that the pictures were not old, but she wouldn’t listen. “How can you say you love me but not trust me? You are even choosing to believe the phone over me, the person in the photos.” I felt the relationship was too new for us to start having fights so I quickly apologized and dropped the issue. But deep down in my heart, I knew she was lying. I was just hoping that after I caught her, she would change.
June this year was my birthday, so she visited me and we had a good time together. During the visit, I wanted to know if she was still seeing that military guy so I went through her phone. To my surprise, there was someone else. The kind of love messages they were sending to each other clearly indicated that they were in a romantic relationship. She even told the guy that she loves him. This time around I didn’t want to confront her and have her lie to me again, so I left the chat open. When she took her phone she saw that I had read the chats. There and then she started giving me unsolicited explanations; “Oh, the guy is my ex. We dated for five months and broke up because he cheated on me, and later said his family wouldn’t let him marry a single mother. He is not even in the country, he is in South Africa.” So I asked her, “If he treated you poorly then why do you still love him?” “No, I don’t love him. I am just leading him on so that I can dump him and hurt him back for what he did to me.” She said. I told her, “I am sorry but the guy never loved you. You cannot do anything to hurt his feelings. So stop entertaining him.” She agreed with me and promised to block him.
Just last two weeks, I took some days off from work because I wasn’t feeling well. When I felt better I decided to pay her a surprise visit. I was with her one evening when I dozed off after taking my medication. After a short while, I woke up to her voice. She was in the kitchen having a video call with someone. I couldn’t make out her words but it sounded like an argument. I don’t know what she did to this person but she was begging him not to leave her. I was angry but I didn’t move an inch. After speaking on the phone for about twenty minutes, she climbed into bed next to me.
She thought I was asleep so she started touching me and kissing me. I looked her straight in the face but didn’t respond to her touch. It must have dawned on her then, that I overheard her conversation. Because she started ranting; “The man on the phone is an old man who lives in Canada. He said he is interested in me, and I told him I have a boyfriend but he doesn’t care. He calls me every day to put pressure on me. Now he is using his money as bait.” “How is someone who lives in Canada putting pressure on you? Doesn’t your phone have a block button?” I asked her. Instead of apologizing for her sneaky behaviour, she got angry, put on her clothes, and said she was going to sleep at a friend’s house. It was in the middle of the night! I didn’t want her to go out so I had to apologize for the sake of peace.
Ever since I left her place, I have been thinking about our relationship. I don’t know what she wants that I am not giving her. Both our families know that we are together. We are planning to tie the knot in the middle of next year. But when I think about her relationship with other men and the lies she tells me when I catch her, my headaches. I am still with her because a part of me believes she will change. But another part of me tells me to forget about her and move on because she might continue this even after we are married. I want to know if some of you on this platform have been in my situation before. What did you do? Please, I need genuine answers. No one should insult me. I am very worried.